[fifth life-in-music post]
Was supposed to write this last night, but one of the kids here, my big boss, one of them who says “love never lasts” (and, as I’ve written in 36/52, one even says “there is no love”), caught me –
I have a friend, Althea-the-poet-who-insists-she-is-not, she insists Paul is not cool. She says that Paul is not cool because Paul is saccharine and cheesy. And consciously saccharine and cheesy. Choosing to be saccharine and cheesy. Which is why she so loves him.
I remember in high school, I saw the lyrics of Eleanor Rigby printed in a hardbound, glossy, American literary anthology. I remember hearing Eleanor Rigby played live at the cocktail for the Free Press literary awards at the Manila Peninsula in 2007, while all the young literati talked their drunken talk and the drunken ignoramus that was I stood in the midst of it all and all the lonely people. I didn’t feel cool.
And to this day, I still don’t know whether “into the light of the dark black night” is an irony, paradox, antithesis or oxymoron. Either I’m just really ignorant or the line is simply cool.
You ever saw how those girls in the 60s screamed at the sight of disarming, baby-faced Paul? I used to squirm at the sight of those footages, thinking how silly those girls were and how the whole swooning-over-a-cute-rockstar is uncool.
12:56. Today is May 21, 2010. I am 31 years old.
Last week, that fellow Paul-lover friend of mine sent me a message saying that for the first time, she’s seeing how I Will is actually about love that scopes the past, present and future.
I had to suddenly sing the song, to check:
“Who knows how long I’ve loved you?” – past
“You know I love you still.” – present
“Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will.” – future
Oo nga ‘no?
I’ve been hearing the song since I was young, in my I-want-to-be-cool days of acid and gall. I never saw that past-present-future love embedded in all that saccharine cheesiness.
In about three months, I will be 32. If I could swim into hearts through goo, I would.