Only Lyrically

Tag: Tori Amos

and it’s time time time

.

finished writing for the earth

finished captioning for the magazine

finished with work that feeds the belly

for the day

it’s now time to love

and love again and again and again

and always, love, loving

the hungry longing empty clean

white sheets

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“…transparent, weightless, luminous…”

[twelfth life-in-music post]

she’s alright she’s alright she’s been lonely before she sings

and yes she sounds like Billie a Billie who can play the guitar

tears don’t leave any scars she’s alright she’s alright

*

can I just skip ahead to Half The Perfect World?

how did she get Ned to write her a song?

she lost something to the summer wind she sings and I’m skipping

*

oh this one is golden

sorry, blue, it’s blue

“she tells you no and no again”

*

I sought her because of her take on this one

I don’t want to write I just want to sing along even along with the piano solo

tun tun tun tun everybody’s talkin’

*

for the first time, last week in Calaguas, I gave Tori Amos’ 1000 Oceans a rest

I sang Everybody’s Talkin’ and Half The Perfect World alternately instead, while in the waters

will sing these same songs in Marinduque

*

and we’re not at Half The Perfect World yet

*

I’m sleeping the next few ones off

*

caught just a few strains of the last song

 

 

I missed half the perfect world

[44/52]

 

dedicatori, or this has almost nothing to do with Idols Of Exile

[ninth life-in-music post]

groovy rec but it’s Tori’s birthday today in the west and I’m distracted

funny turns here Mr. Collett sings “you never were good with the goodbye”

and “we never grow up we just get older”

see, he can’t help it he really re-directs me to the birthday girl

oh, this one, where he sings “this is birth and this is death all in the same breath”

and “this is just a gift”

life as a gift life as the gift and happy birthday Mrs. Hawley

thank you for every good little ditty all these years

this Mr. Collett is making me doze right now

record has the feel of lazy summer afternoons blazing blinding noons

sorry Mr. Collett I only feel like listening really but since we’re already at it and it’s in the sked well

I wonder if my laundry’s all dried up

thank you Tori

[41/52]

dedicatori, to the tune of Little Earthquakes

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[fourth life-in-music post]

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This is about Tori. This is about love.

Stay! It will make sense, you’ll see. It will make sense by not making sense. If we could only stop from desperately looking for sense –

Today, I stood up against three twentysomething kids in the workplace who insisted that “love never lasts” –

There, Tori just sang, “castles are burning in my heart” –

Actually, only two of them said that “love never lasts”, the two girls. The boy said “there is no love”.

There, Tori just sang, “I got twenty five bucks and a cracker, do you think it’s enough to get us there?”

My stand is that “love can last”. That was actually me already being diplomatic. What I truly wanted to tell them was “there is love and it lasts, always, because it is the beginning and the end and it is in your bones, kiddos, it’s in your blood, love is our very lives lived for the good”.

Of course I never got to say that. Because one of them pointed out that in a romantic relationship, it never works that way, and that I’m not even in one, and that I’ll get their point if I’m in one.

Well.

I went back to my cube and shed a sappy tear.

It’s funny how these kids can say sweeping things like that… “love never lasts”… “there is no love”… I guess they are empowered by the fact that they are actually in relationships, and have been in previous other relationships, and that gives them the license to assert. And to dash the hopes of those who choose to believe otherwise.

Tori right now is singing, “how can I, when you build the great wall around you?”

I was in love when I first heard Tori sing China. It was my first. It was not a perfect love. It was even questionable. It was unrequited. I was eighteen.

And while I spent days months years putting down the torch, staring at it from afar, digging the hole, and burying it, Tori sang for me the dirge.

Who knows what could have happened to me if I had to do all that in deadening silence?

It was not easy, but I wasn’t alone, I had a grace of a song that cooed, it will be alright, don’t lose your faith in love!

Tori has loved me through the song, and she doesn’t even know. Or maybe she does know that she can love strangers through songs.

I love her too. Thank you!

And I love these kids. I really do. So I’ll just pour out my little hurts here and no longer argue with them ever again about love.

These kids, in their glistening acid and gall, which I used to have too in my not-so-distant past, these kids, they don’t know the power that they have.

Just like Tori sang.

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[36/52]

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Another Week In Limbo (and it’s only Wednesday!)

 

 

Ditched the people of the Philippines versus the petty crooks again. Had to. It gets weirder and weirder there by the day. My desk has been turned into a kitchen lately. My typewriter Mr. Matura, the only real civil servant that I have known for the past ten years, is now side by side with the electric stove, the rice cooker, and other utensils. It’s okay. I get to pick on the food with my bare, carbon paper dirtied hands, when nobody’s looking.

Been enjoying writing for friends. I have two assignments pending. One on Lifehouse (God I so want to be a music journalist! Paging Pulp! Paging Rolling Stone! Yeah right, ehehehe), and one for Gospel Comics (God I so want to be a gospel writer! Paging Louie Jon Sanchez! Paging CFA! Yeah right, after I ditched the exam date).

Have been running out of printed resumes. Have to go to work tomorrow so I could print out more copies.

It will do, though the Supreme Court only issues dot matrix printers. The indomitable dot matrix printer! Astig!

Jesus Christ, wait… it’s only Tuesday!… Tuesday again?

That means it’s been a week since the first part of the exam in that Makati writing/research firm. No call backs yet. Would it be impolite to follow-up? I feel like making a follow up.

Tori has a song called Wednesday. It goes –

Nothing here to fear
I’m just sitting around
being foolish when there
is work to be done
Just a hang-up call
and the quiet breathing
of our Persian
we call Cajun on a Wednesday

so we go from year to year
with secrets we’ve been
keeping
Though you say you’re
not a Templar man

Seems as if we’re
circling for very
different reasons
But one day the Eagle
has to land

Out past the fountain
a left by the station
I start the day
in the usual way
Then think
— well why not —

and stop for a coffee
then begin to recall
things that you say

No one’s at the door
You suggest a ghost
perhaps a phantom
I agree with this in part
Something is with us
I can’t put my
finger on —
is Thumbalina size 10
on a Wednesday —

so we go from year to year
with secrets we’ve been
keeping
Though you say you’re
not a Templar man

Seems as if we’re
circling for very
different reasons
But one day the Eagle
has to land

Out past the fountain
a left by the station
I start the day
in the usual way
Then think — well why not —
and stop for a coffee
then begin to recall
things that you say
Pluck up the courage
and snap it’s gone again
I start humming “When Doves
Cry”

Can someone help me
I think that I’m
Lost here
Lost in a place
called
America

What could it mean when you are losing track of the days?

Jessie from Before Sunset says time is an illusion. T. S. Eliot wrote something about time too –

Because I know that time is always time

And place is always and only place

And what is actual is only actual for one time

And only for one place

I rejoice that things are as they are and

I renounce the blessed face

And renounce the voice

Because I cannot hope to turn again

Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something

Upon which to rejoice

That was part of his poem called Ash Wednesday.

The thing is during the past couple of days, I pissed off some friends in a major way. And I am running out of ideas on how to make amends.

Paging Susanna Heights!

I wish it’s Sunday already. Everything will be well come Sunday.

Wait, what day is it today, really?

It IS Wednesday! Jesus…

dedicatori

Inshallah. Amen!

 

 

A Case Of You

(written by Joni Mitchell; performed by Tori Amos – Saratoga Springs, August 29, 1999)

Just before our love got lost you said
“I am as constant as a northern star”
And I said, “constantly in the darkness
Where’s that at?
If you want me I’ll be in the bar”

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue tv screen light
I drew a map of canada
Oh canada
And your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
And I would still be on my feet
Oh I’d still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I’m frightened by the devil
And I’m drawn to those ones that ain’t afraid
I remember that time that you told me, you said
Love is touching souls
Surely you touched mine
‘Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
And you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
And still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours
She knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds
And she said
Go to him, stay with him if you can
Oh but be prepared to bleed
Oh but you are in my blood, you’re my holy wine
Oh and you taste so bitter, bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you darling
Still I’d be on my feet
I’d still be on my feet

Mmmmmmm

dedicatori

This one’s for Suzeth, for never ceasing to remind me that I should enjoy, and not merely endure.

And for Alts, too, for telling me to “give yourself what others cannot”.

 

 

Enjoy The Silence

(written by Martin Gore; originally performed by Depeche Mode; lyrics here as sung by Tori Amos)

 

Words like violence
break the silence,
come crashing in,
into my little world.
Painful to me,
pierced right through me.
Can’t you understand,
oh, my little girl?

All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.

Vows are spoken
to be broken.
Feelings are intense.
Words are trivial.
Pleasures remain,
so does the pain.
Words are meaningless
and unforgettable.

All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.

Words are very unnecessary.
They can only do harm.

Words like violence
break the silence,
come crashing in,
into my little world.
Painful to me,
pierced right through me.
Can’t you understand,
oh, my little girl.

All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.

Vows are spoken
to be broken.
Feelings are intense.
Words are trivial.
Pleasures remain,
so does the pain.
Words are meaningless
and forgettable.

All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.
All I ever wanted,
all I ever needed
is here, in my arms.

Words are very unnecessary.
They can only do harm,
can only do harm.

 

Thank you. I need to remember. 🙂

dedicatori

This one’s for Alts, Candy, Lou, my LEAPmates, my councilmates Alvin and Suzeth, and Coach, should they pass by. With gratitude always. And so much love.

 

 

Philadelphia

(written by Neil Young, off the film Philadelphia; lyrics here as sung by Tori Amos)

 

Philadelphia…

Philadelphia…

 

Sometimes I think that I know

what love’s all about

and when I see the light

I know I’ll be alright,

Philadelphia…

 

I’ve got my friends in the world,

I had my friends

when we were boys and girls,

and the secrets came unfurled.

 

City of brotherly love,

place I call home,

don’t turn your back on me.

I don’t want to be alone.

 

Someone is talking to me,

calling my name,

tell me I’m not to blame.

I won’t be ashamed of love,

Philadelphia…

 

City of brotherly love,

brotherly love,

don’t be ashamed of love,

Philadelphia…

 

Sometimes I think that I know

what love’s all about

and when I see the light

I know I’ll be alright,

I know I’ll be alright,

Philadelphia…